something a little less tame

A Bit of Encouragement

2006-09-06T20:22:00.000-07:00

God writes straight with crooked lines. He uses ordinary people, fallible and imperfect, to accomplish His purposes. I read a book last night called Not a Sparrow Falls, Linda Nichols and it was good. It talked about leaving 'the fold' and disappointing God. About knowing the promises of God but not being sure that they belong to you. Sometimes I get tired of reading books on faith. Not that I feel I have nothing to learn and think about, but sometimes I just want to read a story. Theres a bookshelf at the Whitemud Library that has a teeny one side of a shelf that houses some 'inspirational' books. And some of them have been quite good.

I've been frequenting another kind of library the past few days, well, a bookstore. The kind that sells books for obscene amounts of money. I love it. I've taken to picking up a few texts a day instead of all at once to slow the realization of the total cost. I'm pretty excited about being in school. I know quite a few people in every class since attending the school retreat out at Frontier Lodge. Seriously an amazing place located on "25 acres of pristeen forest." We played water polo in canoes, there was cliff jumping, mountain biking, rapelling, hiking and rock climbing. Quite a blast. Friday I'm taking a bunch of rez students out to buy art supplies. Yay :)

Are you Available?

2006-09-01T01:29:00.000-07:00

It's 2:30 am and I can't sleep. For some reason I'm wide awake and I can't shake the feeling that maybe I'm supposed to be. At school we've been having devotions every morning and we're talking about being ready and available to God. I've been thinking that when I'm ready God is available for ME. When I need Him I can look to Him and He will be there. I can depend on HIM.

Sometimes I forget to look at it the other way, that I'm supposed to available for God. And I don't mean in the "answering God's call" kind of way. I mean being available when He's talking to me. When we pray, we talk to God. When we listen, God can talk to us. Unfortunately, most of us spend all our prayer time talking to Him, never taking time to listen. I don't want to become a 'rocking chair Christian', plenty of motion but little real progress, doing what I think God would have me do but not actually taking time to ask him for guidance and taking time to listen to him. I need to give God a chance to get in between all that goes on in life. Unplugging the phone, turning down the noise and taking time to listen for His voice.

So maybe this was a wee hours of the morning reminder to take time to listen. And really this is a pretty good time, the house is completely silent. I'm not really sure the last time I noticed a silence like this, but its the perfect time to start listening.

Kara, after week 2.

2006-08-25T19:44:00.000-07:00

Kara, after week 2., originally uploaded by Lola Laine.

I'm a little behind on camp stuff. But this is pretty much how I looked after week 3 and week 4. I had to skip out of week 5 and make a trip to visit the grandparents. As always Bethel has left me with wonderful memories that I'll never forget.

School starts next week and I'm frantically enjoying my last moments of freedom, hanging out with great people and doing things I love to do. The crisp evening air is slowly taking over the hot summer nights and I'm excited for the colours to change and the leaves to fall. This season is my favorite.

Teen Camp

2006-07-08T18:32:00.000-07:00

Teen Camp, originally uploaded by Lola Laine.

Camp #1 is over. This is a picture of half of Cabin 3. Jasmine, Sam, Kathleen, Marilyn and the lovely cousin Veronica. The week was hot. The soccer was good. Cotton candy was made. 1 down, 4 to go...

Goodbye

2006-07-01T20:19:00.000-07:00

Well, camp starts tomorrow. I'm pretty excited. Didn't make the time to visit a doctor so hopefully my little Peter Pointer will survive the summer. Gosh, I don't know how I manage to get so many bumps and bruises. I guess I should hope that little Kara survives the summer as well. I may need to sit out a round or two of Castles and Barbarians...shoot.

So far the camp schedules look awesome and I'm quite thrilled to be able to participate in them this year. I'm really looking forward to Intermediate camp...I may be fashioning a Robin Hood costume...pointy shoes...green tights...I can't wait!

I think this will be my last post for awhile, other than some pictures on weekends. So this is it. I hope you have a wonderful summer. Full of excitement and adventure. Stuff that leaves you smiling. Come out on visitors nights, every thursday to get a peek as to what life is like at Bethel. I'll miss you!

Kara

Daang. Some Days I Miss That Hair

2006-06-22T22:01:00.000-07:00

Childrens Camp '05

2006-06-17T15:04:00.000-07:00

2006-06-13T20:13:00.000-07:00

Aieeee. Camp is so soon! I'm quite exctited. Today I went for a birthday shop with a dear friend. We visited Dollorama, a.k.a land of dreams. Wow. Yesterday my excitement for the upcoming Bethel season hovered at around seven, but after today it boomed at 9. Learning about the different themes for the camps was great and now I have zillions of ideas...aie. Too bad I can't share them on here just in case a camper might be reading. I love camp, its my home away from home. A place of refuge and escape.

Right now life is a little crazy. Some of you might not know yet so here we go. A few weeks ago my family found out that my Dad has relapsed. Last week he finished another round of radiation and we are just waiting now to get feedback from the doctors as to what happens next. It was pretty sudden since things were just getting back to normal after last year. We were even planning our first big family trip, spring break in Cuba. Funny how fast things can change.

Thinking about things in light of eternity has been a pressing issue lately. It is so comforting to know that our existence is much more than the years we have on earth. Its barely just a drop in the bucket I guess. It makes me want to do everything I can while I'm here. Live life alot. Feel alot. Get involved. Be someone I would be friends with.

Hehehee

2006-06-07T18:35:00.000-07:00

2006-06-05T21:26:00.000-07:00

Camping trip over. Home safe and sore. I think this past weekend I've done quite a bit more complaining than in the past month or two. To those of you who also went on the Hike of Death I'm glad we made it back alive. I might be exaggerating a little...but its been a couple days and my legs are still on fire. Fording the streams made the whole thing worthwhile though, plus the waterfall, and the bagels...and the trail mix. And the satisfaction of realizing we'd walked from hills to mountains.

Daddy's Girls

2006-05-30T22:31:00.000-07:00

Fort Edmonton Park: A Flashback to the Early 90's

2006-05-24T17:43:00.000-07:00

My First Kiss

2006-05-07T15:34:00.000-07:00

The classic "kissin' cousins" pose. Note the clutched arm by the aggressor, and the safe, "fingers over the lips" defence of the resistor.

-K. Randall and J. Byggdin
Surveyors Lake, B.C.
Summer of '91

Life

2006-05-01T16:37:00.000-07:00

Here's a snippet from Through Painted Deserts, by Donald Miller

"It's a living book, this life; it folds out in a million settings, cast with a billion beautiful characters, and it is almost over for you. It doesn't matter how old you are; it is coming to a close quickly, and soon the credits will roll and all your friends will fold out of your funeral and drive back to their homes in cold and still and silence. And they will make a fire and pour some wine and think about how you once were...and feel a kind of sickness at the idea you never again will be.
So soon you will be in that part of the book where you are holding the bulk of the pages in your left hand, and only a thin wisp of the story in your right. You will know by the page count, not by the narrative, that the Author is wrapping things up. You begin to mourn its ending, and want to pace yourself slowly toward its closure, knowing the last lines will speak of something beautiful, of the end of something long and earned, and you hope the thing closes out like last breaths, like whispers about how much and who the characters have come love, and how authentic the sentiments feel when they have earned a hundred pages of qualification.

And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter, some roses blooming out like children in a play. My hope is your story will be about changing, about getting something beautiful born inside of you, about learning to love a woman or a man, about learning to love a child, about moving yourself around water, around mountains, around friends, about learning to love others more than we love ourselves, about learning oneness as a way of understanding God. We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and climax and the resolution. it would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it? It might be time for you to go. It might be time to change, to shine out..."

Like No Other

2006-04-25T11:24:00.000-07:00

My favorite commercial of all time in Germany was for Bravia TVs. I couldn't figure out how to put it on my blog--due to my extreme lack of computer skills. But heres the link, check it out. http://www.bravia-advert.com/ and definately view the extended version.

A Looong Day at Work

2006-04-24T19:48:00.000-07:00

Mmmm. My job is really, really boring....well my weekday job is. My weekend job at the FARMERS MARKET is awesome. I get to sell some sausage and eat it too. But anyways, my boring job is also kind of great. I can prett much leave whenever I want. So today, after punching in at 2 o'clock I already knew I'd be leaving early. And I don't mean by a few minutes. It was supposed to be an 8 hour shift but I just could not stay there any longer. By the time 6:15 came along I was spent. So my pappy and I went out for ice caps...it's too bad that the number of hours I work directly correlates with the number on my paycheck.

Did You Know...

2006-04-23T18:16:00.000-07:00

...that you can spell 'typewriter' using the top row of the keyboard?

2006-04-17T16:11:00.001-07:00

Life Is What You Make It

2006-04-16T22:09:00.000-07:00

We hear the phrase, "Life is what you make it" alot. Up till Friday I'd dismissed it as just another saying that really didn't mean much. But there I was bored as heck at work serving customer after customer with a smile plastered across my face. Life right now for me is work. There has got to be more than this--

When I'm at work I am more tuned in to time than anywhere else. I count down the hours and the minutes until I get to punch out. I hate the customer who comes in two minutes before closing. I'm at my worst.

The feeling of getting out after eight and a half hours of boredom is almost euphoric. I actually sit in my car for a few minutes and just turn up the music, sit back and chill. That feeling right there, sweet release, freedom, excitement. Thats the stuff of life. Of a bored persons life.

"Life is what you make it". Its about attitudes, ways of thinking, state of mind. We get this one, pretty short life to live--so lets live it. Live life thoroughly. Experience things. Take chances. Test limits. Use your talents. Trust yourself. Risk failure. Try new things. Do whats right instead of whats easy. Be passionate about something. Stand up for a cause you believe in.

Don't spend your life counting down the years. Counting the things you've missed out on. Being bored.

Challenge yourself to really live. Throw your cares to the wind and feel something. Don't concern yourself with what other people think. Care about things that last.

"Life is what you make it".

Jill's Home!

2006-04-12T12:59:00.000-07:00

My sister comes home today! Hoorah :)

...for those who haven't yet heard...tipi party at Robbies Saturday night...8:30.

Heart Talk

2006-04-11T21:13:00.000-07:00

Love.
So I read a post from The Protagonist awhile ago and it got me thinking about love. A lot of the time I find myself wanting to throw my cares to the wind and just love people. Unabashedly love them. Soften the callouses I've let my heart acquire and be vulnerable again. Risk the chance of rejection, of hurt. I've been reading a book that challenges you to uncover the lies that society has told you, to figure out what things are holding you back from really living. We are told to be careful with our hearts, to protect them from unnecessary harm and from people who aren't careful with them.

Why? We only have so long to live. I mean really, did Jesus ever say...mmm I should really be careful with the friendship I'm having with this person because I think they may get the wrong idea about me. Or, am I giving this person too much? Am I loving this person too much? Will this person break my heart?

This whole business of loving people frustrates me so. Why do we have to be so careful all the time? I can't really put into words how this holding back of heart makes me feel. Its careful, its safe. Its totally not the passion that God has instilled in each of us. I don't want to get to the end of my life and realize that I held back on love. That I didn't share my heart with others.
Really, Jesus has called us to do one thing. To love others. So why is that the one thing we are most cautious about?

I realize that we don't have the capacity to love the way God can. I guess. And I hate that. But thats no excuse. I am sometimes amazed at the lack of decency we have with eachother. It's almost like we need to wake up and tell ourselves every morning, "I'm going to try to love like Jesus loves". Or at least treat people the way we want to be treated. No, thats not really what I mean. I mean treating people better than you would expect to be treated. We have the ability to make or break people's attitudes of life... Let people know you appreciate them. Encourage them. Let them know you love them as they are, and will love them as they change.

Writing this post is so frustrating. There is so much that I want to say, and I just don't know how. I can't find the words to express my feelings on this. All I can really say is, we don't do as much as we should for eachother. We don't love people enough, we don't share our appreciation of eachother with eachother. And this is making us miss out on living life to the fullest. I'm sure of it.

Think about the important people in your life. Do they know they are important to you? Have you ever told them or shown them? What about random people you aacquaintancesces with? Do they feel accepted by you, or that they're just another face? There's something we need to be doing differently...our love has got to show. We are supposed to be different, to be mirroring someone else...how can we do that better?

A few photos from The Chocolate Factory in Cologne

2006-04-10T16:32:00.000-07:00

The Elevator

2006-04-06T17:46:00.000-07:00

Here is an old post from my days at Alberta College. Too bad everything I did there now has no importance to my future whatsoever. Well, except now I now the importance of a myelin sheath and now have a greater appreciation for my rods and cones...

The other day a girl at school asked me where the stairs are. I was waiting for the elevator and to be shamefully honest I don't know. I like the elevator. It takes me up to where I need to be or down when I'm done being where I need to be. I guess it is quite the small feat that I enjoy the elevator. You see, when I was a small child I got my hand stuck in between the doors (there was a time when elevators didn't yet have sensors). So now, in my rebellion against the expectation that I would grow up to rebel against elevators, I ride them whenever the opportunity arises (which is six times a day). I do admit that I race in as soon as the door opens and race out to ensure that I don't lose any crucial limbs or vital organs.

I'd like to add, four months later, that after being so embarrassed about not knowing where the stairs were, I found them. And I used them. Six times a day after shaking my head at people waiting for the elevator.

Show Me Something Pretty

2006-03-30T12:44:00.003-08:00

There's nothing like coming home after a vacation, and then being ripped away from your comforatble bed after a mere few nights of sleep to be whisked off to the rockies. I never really feel home until I'm in the mountains. Everything seems more real and alive and beautiful. Growing up spending chunks of summer (and winter) in Fernie and being a member of a family who loves camping I've been able to really appreciate natural beauty. Looking at those huge peaks this past week made me realize just how small I am. And how big God is.
I picked up a book on the way down by Terry Esau, called Surprise Me. The author spent thirty days asking God to surprise him, and he waited with eager anticipation of what would happen next. I'm on day twelve of his experiment and I've started one of my own. Being a little crafty and artsy I am attracted to pretty and unique things and I've swung this experiment my way, asking God to show me something pretty everyday. Now, I spent a few days in Banff and Canmore so I expected to be awe struck by something everyday and I was. A glimpse of a lone deer off in the wood, seeing a hole in the snow and ice to reveal rushing waters underneath at Johnson Canyon (a place to be overwhelmed with in any season), and of course that scent of evergreen and fire and melting snow were just a few moments where I felt God showing me things. Now I'm home and I've got my out for the unexpected because I know there are some spectacular things to come.

The Great Outdoors

2006-03-30T12:44:00.001-08:00

Mmmm. Today was wonderful. Lately I have had trouble waking up at a decent hour, thanks to you, Mr. TimeChange. Initially after getting home from Germany I'd been waking up bright and early with the birds much to the dismay of my sleeping parents. So today the sun coaxed me out of bed and somehow gave me the idea that today was The Day. The day for the first bike ride of the year. So on I hopped and away I went, Millcreek Ravine to Whyte Ave and back. Later I even decided to go rollerblading while my mom went for a walk. I've realized that rollerblading is not a solo sport for me. Not only do I not have control of how fast I go but I also have no clue how to stop. I definately don't trust that little peg thing on the back of my right skate--the noise it makes when in contact with concrete is not reassuring. But I had a blast anyway. (I held my moms hand alot). In my defense, I've only gone rollerblading a combined total of 10 times in my life so really I have aims to get better.
Millcreek Ravine, quite a great place--apart from its scariness. This fabulous weather we are having makes me want to get out there and enjoy it. There are lots of bridges, prime for some quality book reading, like Little Women, Alice in Wonderland and Black Beauty. Then there is a definate possibility of great reinactments for the thesbians out there, I'm thinking the Lady of Chalot scene, as seen in Anne of Green Gables. An art day could be held with participants setting up their mediums at the waters edge or nestled in the wood. The posssibilities are endless. Swims, (though I don't really recommend it), bird watching, picnics, hiking...

Leaving on a Jetplane

2006-03-22T12:33:00.000-08:00

Whew, can´t believe 5 weeks have gone by already, or so slowly. It´s a wierd feeling, like I´ve been away forever but then again, not long at all. Got my bags all packed and ready to go. This trip has been really good, I saw alot and learned alot. Got to spend some quali-T time with my sister and get to know her a bit better. I´ve got a wee list of things to do on a return trip to Europe...
-Copenhagen! I really want to see the Little Mermaid!
-Dublin on St.Patricks day
-Russia, and maybe a sidetrip to Siberia, just so I can say I´ve been there
-I´d like to go sailing off Greece (I´ll be a deckhand)
-Ride a horse driven carriage in Vienna
-Ride a gondola in Venice
Hmmm, just a wee list, I´m sure there are many more lovely places and things to see and I would like to see most of them, if not all. If you´re tired of 3x5s you should plan to come along.
-K

Some of My Favorite Things

2006-03-19T12:00:00.000-08:00

Home.
Winter Wonderland.
Friends and Family.
Dexter in the Driveway.
My comfy bed.
Youth Group.
Carrots.

On My Mind

2006-03-12T12:11:00.000-08:00

I bet I´ve spent 45 hours in trains, planes and automobiles in the past three weeks. Sleeping has taken up quite a bit of that time but there is only so much sleeping one can do...especially if you´ve taken up coffee as a new hobby. (I´ve already had 4 cups today--I´m on my way to drinking it straight black...well, really, I´m quite a long way off but it is my goal). So in my time I listen to some sweet tunes (yesterday I picked up The Killers-Hot Fuss, not quite as stellar as I expected but still a good addition to my travel tune), I play some Su Do Ku (for those of you who have not discovered this game I suggest you do...prepare to be challenged, angered and ready to destroy the book...but once you´ve conquered the first puzzle you won´t back down from another), and finally reading. I´m in the last pages of Wild at Heart and have just discovered a load of quotes that make me think, and I wanted to share them with you.

"Don´t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive".
-Gil Bailie

"If you had permission to do what you really want to do, what would you do? Don´t ask how...how is God´s department".
-John Eldredge

"The spiritual life cannot be made suburban. It is always frontier and we who live in it must accept and even rejoice that it remains untamed".
-Howard Macey

"There are no formulas for God. Period. So there are no formulas for the man who follows Him".
-John Eldredge

And this is a passage from Oswald Chambers
"Naturally, we are inclined to be so mathematical and calculating that we look upon uncertainty as a bad thing...Certainty is the mark of the common-sense life, gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, we do not know what a day may bring forth. This is generally said with a sigh of sadness, it should rather be an expression of breathless expectation."

"

Ola!

2006-03-07T13:58:00.000-08:00

I thought I should write a quick blog to say hi! Tomorrow evening we leave Gran Canaria and fly back to Frankfurt. Then train it to Marburg. I feel wierd. I love it here, being here and travelling around. But I also miss home! I called a friend last night and it was so good to just talk. Its not even as though Ive been away for a long time at all. I guess thats what all those books mean when they say we were made for community. I miss people I can talk to easily! Not searching for words or the right grammer or or or...
Anyways. Im off to check out a flamenco show. Ill try to bring back the cool moves to Canada.
Ciao
K

Leaving in 10

2006-02-17T07:38:00.001-08:00

Bye!!!

200km/hr. Daaang.

2006-02-08T14:00:00.000-08:00

I'm at work right now. But I can't shake my excitement to not be at work. In a mere 9 days I'm gone. Weg-as you would say in German. I'm starting to get nervous that I won't remember any words and have to scramble to make sentences. Seriously speech is hard, there are so many different cases and then the confusion of dialects. Should I say "ish", "ich", or "ick"...so many different choices.

It has been three years since I've made the flight to Frankfurt. I hope I get a window seat. My friend once told me her horror story of flying to Australia and the woman next to her was applying lavender foot lotion to her feet. My friend missed her connecting flight due to her uncontrollable projectile vomiting. But I can't get sick. I can't miss a flight. I have no flight insurance. Whoops.

My dear sister just called to let me know that the very next day after I arrive in Frankfurt we will be hopping on a train to Vienna--for a few hours of fast riding. Those trains move daang quickly. I would hate to be hit by one. 200km/hour. Daaang.

But on the upside. Train rides mean train snacks. Those cars are classy. They have restaurant style tables and your glasses don't tremble at all. It's that fast. In my backpack I have already prepurchased a number of goodies. Skor bites, rice cakes, jujubes. Just a few of my favorite things. Mmmm.

There is another blog that will detail the events of our trip. Its not yet interesting but later in the week it should be up and running. Just look for it in the sidebar. You can't miss it. And theres a handy little address in the top bar of the new site. It will be how we can be reached via snail mail. It, by the way, is much more fun to receive mail at someones house other than your own. So do it. We will love to hear from you. And we will mail back. With stickers.

I have this Friend--a tribute to MST.

2006-02-05T22:47:00.000-08:00

I have this friend.
Who I won't name.
She's my favorite.
Though we're not the same.
.
Friends.
How I love them.
Especially this very one.
.
.
.
Daaaang I need to get my Rhyming Dictionary back from Tristan.

Photo Booth

2006-01-31T20:33:00.001-08:00

So we just got this new computer with photo booth. I love it. Here are a few of my favorite. Hehe. My parents wouldn't let me put their pictures on here. Too bad. They were really funny. There are lots more but they compromise my my confidence in the way I look. Alot.

A Few More Weeks

2006-01-25T21:43:00.000-08:00

Winter is strange. Especially right now, with the lack of snow and the abnormal sound of birds that are still here. Normally at this time the bleakness of winter is overwhelming and the whiteness blinds from any end that could have been in sight. This year is different. Even though I can still catch some ice as I ride my white horse down the rocky terrain of my alley way, there has been no reason for me to put away my flip flops.

In just a few more weeks I'm hitchin' a ride on a jet plane and I couldn't be more thrilled. Getting picked up at the airport by an old friend and finally seeing Jilly--hoorah.

I'm so excited to be going back. I dream about walking the cobbelstone streets, kaffe trinkin under umbrellas, and the morning fog. Going to class in the morning took forever since we lived in a little town lots of curvy kilometers away from the school. And every morning there was this thick fog surronding everything--it was quite incredible. I'd go for walks in the forest--but never alone, because everyone was convinced that the wild pigs in the forest would come after me. I heard one once and the fear of wild pigs was definately in me.

Oh and the icecream! That tops my list of things to eat. Strawberry and coconut and hazelnut and spaghetti ice and and and...yum. When it comes to the icecream eating I can hold my own. I'm just nervous about eating at Omas. She thinks you're starving yourself if you haven't had three helpings--with her portions I'm lucky if I can polish off firsts.

The trip is getting closer. The train tickets have been bought, the plane tickets too(gran canaria is way closer to morocco than spain!) and all we're waiting for is the days to fly by.

Music

2006-01-23T16:37:00.000-08:00

Lately I've been listening to lots of music. I feel pretty inferior sometimes because I don't know much about music. But I do know what I like. Anyways heres a list of some good ones if you are in need of new tunes...
On Your Porch-The Format (one of my favorites)
Dakota-Stereophonics
White Dove-Starsailor (reminds me a little of Plainsay)
Sway-The Perishers
Run-Snow Patrol
Long Time Coming-Delays
Whiskey Girl-Toby Keith

Thunder

2006-01-19T21:04:00.000-08:00

I'm reading Captivating, by John and Stasi Eldredge and I'm at a part in the book where it challenges us to open our hearts to romance. It talks about how God wants to romance us, not in the flowers and chocolates and candlelight sense, but in sunsets, stars and swaying trees. How He knows what takes your breath away and what makes your heart beat faster. But we have to choose to open our hearts so we might hear his whispers and receive his romance. In their own experiences of Gods romance, John saw a humpback whale and Stasi saw starfish galore in many colors. So I thought to myself, daaang I would like to see a humpback whale. I would like to see starfish galore in many colors. At the end of the chapter they challenge us to ask God how hes romancing us now. So I asked. This morning I'm out scraping my car and I hear this thundering noise above me. I look up to see hundreds of birds coming from different directions and meeting right above my head, then dispersing and meeting again. Again and again. I've never seen anything like it. And it made me feel so small. Like I've been missing all these things God has been trying to show me. How Hes been trying to show me He loves me.

Warty Toads

2006-01-06T20:40:00.000-08:00

So my Dad writes. I don't know if anyone of you know that. Anyways he has been writing this life long project for well, life. Just now I was proof reading some of the first chapters and I've pretty much gained this entire new aspect of respect for my Dad. I never really paid much attention to his work so I was pretty surprised when I laughed alot. He can make the most mundane things hilarious. So I'm reading this compilation of Christmas letters dating back to 1987, the year after I was born finding all these little paragraphs devoted to my sister and I. From my days of seemingly intentional self-destruction, to my sister asking my Mom if Dad turned into a "warty toad" when he first kissed her. Anyways, my Dad is getting closer to fulfilling this dream of his. Writing and publishing a book about his history and thoughts. So I made a list of things I want to do.
-live in a treehouse in the rainforest.
-write a childrens book.
-go to Africa.
-go see the little mermaid statue in copenhagen.
-master a pirate smile.
-go camping for a month.
-learn how to ride a horse cowboy style.
-go on a cruise with my family.
-learn to sail.
-play om my university soccer team.
-go deep sea scuba diving.
-sell a painting.
-see the northern lights really dance.
-learn how to play oleander on the guitar.
-compete in the Dakar Ralley in the truck category.
Hmm I guess we will just have to wait and see how things pan out.

48 days

2005-12-30T18:30:00.000-08:00

The In-Between

2005-12-23T21:54:00.000-08:00

Life can be so changing. Calm as the rolling hills or as shaky as turbulence. I love it. I never realized it before. I think alot of times we crave to be on the mountaintop, the high place where we can see that everything is going to be alright. We crave the final goal of being finished. In the place where we can look back and see that all that has brought us to the ending point is insignificant- we have finally reached the end and thats what matters. We made it!

A new favorite song of mine--Oleander by Sarah Harmer, is making me think more about the journey that gets us to that end. "Another season has brought us another chance". So take a plant and go with me. The goal is a healthy, beautifully blossoming plant. You begin with a seed and even with proper nourishment, lighting and temperature it still tends to take years to reach the plant stage. Now take me, the gardener; I may forget to water it for a few weeks. Or maybe I drop and break the flowerpot and replace the soil with a new kind. Or maybe I've shut the blinds and not enough light has gotten in for my plant. Now after all this, the plant is still okay. It won't die. I can fix what has gone wrong by adding what has been lacking or it may just take time for the plant to adjust to change. So in people talk, alot of details go into reaching the final goal--mistakes are made, but they can be fixed.

Back to life. I'm glad I'm not at that mountaintop, though it would be nice to know now that things will turn out okay. I think the journey is almost more important than the goal. It stretches us, teaches us patience and strengthens us...its where we change and grow.

I would so love to know all the answers to my questions, to have reassurance for my worries, but we don' have that luxury. Thats not how God grows us to be like Him. We are in the dark but not alone. He wants us to depend on Him. To rely on His goodness-not niceness, but rely on the truth that He knows whats best for us. So the mountaintop is our goal but on the way let yourself be changed. Recognize that God is here in the in-between parts of life.

The last few weeks

2005-12-18T17:31:00.000-08:00

The last couple of weeks have flown by. I'm finished school for the year and for the first time in 14 years I don't have to go back after Christmas. It's all very new and exciting for me.

I started back at work a week ago and its funny how some people seem to keep on remembering me after all the time I spend away from the store. This one Italian man used to always ask me to trade eyes with him and yesterday he came in. He said "ooooooh I could recognize those eyes anywhere. Can I steal them?" And I laughed and said maybe next time. Its fun to get customers that make you laugh during a boring day. And then a coworker came and told me hes going to Bible school right now and was excited that there was someone else at work who was a Christian. He bagged my groceries for an hour and a half and just talked to me. Apparently he plays soccer and was the captain for his highschool team too and lived in Medicine Hat. Crazy.

Christmas this year, as per normal we will be in Calgary with family. Normally we go to Centre Street and listen to Paul and Liz Brandt sing but this year my cousin in law Jesse will be having a service of his own on Christmas Eve. I'm quite excited to see the family and open my headlamp present. :)

Mackenzie is home!

El Finito

2005-12-06T20:49:00.001-08:00

">School is finally done. Looking back though, it pretty much flew by. I'm excited for the windows of opportunity my school free days now hold. In 72 days I'll be boarding a plane and after a nice little layover in Toronto I will be in Germany. My sister has to take a two hour train to come meet me at 8am!! Hoorah for Jill :) I'm getting quite excited. This is a picture of a house in the little town I lived in. I'm going back to Warzenbach for at least a week to stay with my host family and go back to school and see my old friends. Then Jill and I are off to travel the country. My secret dream is to somehow get to Denmark and go to Copenhagen. In the harbour is the statue that The Little Mermaid was based on. Mmm I can't wait.

The Day.

2005-12-01T17:53:00.001-08:00

How many times can you say bad day and still have the same emphasis as the first time you said it? 302. No joke. Today was bad. Last night I went to the Sidetrack to watch Mikey's band and they were awesome...cheap food, good music and a couple of guys with fab hair. Then there the guy with both sets of grandparents tattooed on his chest. Neat-o. I knew I had this huge chemistry exam today so I left early and drove home. That was a good day. Then came today. I got a math test back that was fairly mediocre then wrote the hardest test I've ever written in my life. I've never said so many swear words consecutively in my head. I was so mad. You know how some people think outside the box? Well this teacher of mine wrote questions outside the entire unit we studied. It was mindblowing really. I almost cried. And I missed my bus so I had to wait. And now to top off the day my little toyota is stuck in second gear. But tommorow will be better. Its taste-test night at youth group. I hope theres chocolate.

Heartstrings

2005-11-25T15:05:00.000-08:00

Today I felt incredible heartache. You know what its like when you find a book that captures you completely? When you're finished you have to take a moment to remember where the books ends and your life begins--when you realize you're not really a part of it at all? Color the Sidewalk for Me, a novel by Brandilyn Collins was the book of the yesterday and today--I couldn't put it down. I missed a class because I was so caught up in it. The book was full of heartache and heartbreak and forgiveness. The young woman was dealt so much pain and more wrong than I could ever imagine. And yet somehow she chose to forgive the people who hurt her. It made me wonder why I find it so hard sometimes to forgive people. Forgiveness should be so easy because we have been forgiven more than we could ever need to forgive someone. Pride can be so paralyzing.

Perfect

2005-11-09T10:58:00.000-08:00

Today I was reading Matthew 5:48, "Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly father is perfect." And I learned that the word "perfect" comes from the word tellios, which means to fulfill a purpose.

I’ve realized that God doesn’t expect me to be flawless, spotless or sinless. He doesn’t disapprove of me if I’m not the prettiest girl in the room or if I don’t get the best grade in the class. He expects me to fulfill my purpose, to obey Him the best I know how (even when I don’t want to) and to do what He’s created me to do.

All this time I’ve tried to prove myself to God, my parents, friends and teachers. I’m still learning that my value in God’s eyes isn’t based on performance or outward appearance. I keep forgetting that I’m valuable as a human being, not as a human doing or having. Just being.

Change

2005-11-07T17:30:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning to the sight of snow falling out my window. Not pretty, fluffy snow thats whiteness and brightness cover everything and give true meaning to a white Christmas. But the kind that falls to rest in a meshlike pattern, letting what is underneath show through. The kind that melts to make the street a mucky, slushy brown that sprays when cars fly by. The kind that made me wonder today why God made snow. Why this kind of snow. And really what I came up with wasn't the beauty of snow flakes, or the fun of winter activities or so bunnies could blend in when their fur bleached white. I decided that change, pure and simple must be the reason.

Earlier I blogged about this wonderful God we have who isn't satisfied with giving us the basics. He wasn't satisfied with giving us mere primary colors but He gave us these in-betweens, off-tones, blends and tints simply for our enjoyment. And that made me think today that God wants to see our cheeks get rosy after a snowball fight, He sees our joy at the first flower of spring, after the green grass pokes through the falls fallen folliage. He feels our gratitude when rain falls during the sun dog days of summer and He knows we take pleasure in the changing colors of fall.

Things like this make me think that God doesn't want us to become bored with the life around us, He wants us to be constantly enamored by the things He can do. I think He changes seasons to give us refreshment and to recharge us with new energy so we can see life in a new light.

You can never get enough of a good thing, right? So today I tried to incorporate change into my routine. This morning I started by shovelling the walk, and then I took the long way to school--It was cold. I'm not sure I'll do it again but it was a change.

And now as I write this I can't help but think that this outer change should parallel our walk with Christ. As seasons come and go and change is displayed all through nature we should ask ourselves are we letting God refresh us with change? Are we getting recharged? Are we learning about Gods character and getting closer to Him? Are we letting Him change us?

Wings of Refuge

2005-11-05T20:45:00.000-08:00

I just finished reading this really interesting book called Wings of Refuge, by Lynn Austin. It focuses alot on the Jewish faith and explains quite a bit about the different feasts that they celebrate and does a more in depth look at the Passover meal and the different stages it has. Parts of it are written from the perspective of a Jesish woman who decides that Jesus is the Messiah they've been waiting for. Its really really really interesting. This is what I learned;

Jesus died on Passover day, and was laid in a tomb as the sun set. Now the next feast, the Feast of Unleavened Bread begins as the sun sets on Passover. So Yeshua (Jesus) was buried on the day that the Jewish give thanks to God for the bread He provides from the earth--and Jesus said, "I am the bread of life."

Okay so according to historical record, Passover fell on a Friday that year, and so the Feast of Unleavened Bread was on a Saturday. The Feast of First Fruits is always celebrated on the first Sunday after Passover, so that year the three feasts fell on three consecutive days (that doesnt happen all that often since Passover can fall on any day of the week). So Yeshua rose from the dead on the Feast of First Fruits--he was the first fruits of God's new Kingdom.

And going back to the passover, way long ago it was first celebrated in Egypt and the blood of a lamb rescued them from death, and now Jesus, our Passover lamb rescues us from death.

Lucky. Lucky Sister.

2005-11-03T17:34:00.000-08:00

My lovely sister Jillian is off and about in the European continent. Much to my excitement and sheer jealously she is living here. Well a minute down the street from this castle. Which in precisely 104 days, 21 hours, and 36 minutes I will board a plane, travel by train and then meet my sister who will take me there. Then I'll adjust my watch so it is in sync with the one in the picture.

Heavy.

2005-10-30T20:39:00.000-08:00

Today was a rough day. You know what its like to be in a public place and have your eyes well up and you can't stop them? The feeling of trying to blink the tears away and hope fervently that no one is watching? My heart is really angry right now and I just don't want to have any kind of feelings anymore. Yesterday I found out that one of my campers sister committed suicide. And today I found out that my dear friend Michelle is spending another semester in New Zealand. I was so excited to have her home because I miss her. The girl knows me inside out and not having her around is hard. In a bunch of hymns they use the words heavy laden, and I think that thats how I feel. My heart is heavy.

My lovely Family

2005-10-22T17:31:00.001-07:00

This is us. Before Jill left.

Coming up Roses

2005-10-17T21:06:00.000-07:00

Today has been fantastic. It wasn't until just now that I realized it, but really, the day has been great. First I slept and slept and slept--I pressed snooze four times at least...and when I crawled out of bed my body didn't ache--thanks to my decision that I was much too tired last night to play soccer. Then I wore some comfy pants to school that I just love and of course flipflops. Hoorah. I didn't miss my bus, and I rode the lovely 12 minutes to school listening to Downhere-the white one. Classes happened. I came home after school and my dearest friend Mackenzie had sent me snail mail from Montreal. With photos. Then I drove about in the rain.

Lately I've been trying to come to some understanding about God's love for me. I know I will never grasp how deep and how wide He loves me but still I was trying really hard to wrap my head around it in some sense. But I can't. I can't because I could never love anybody the way He loves me. Which is pretty cool. Y'know how you feel when you've invested loads and loads of time and effort and care into something and you're drained-completely tapped? When you're at the point where you feel you can't possibly feel any more...I've come to the conclusion that that's where God's love begins. Our level of love doesn't even compare to the capacity in which He can love someone. Now thats some kind of love.

Lady in Waiting

2005-10-09T20:10:00.000-07:00

Waiting for things to happen is so tedious. You know that inevitably it will happen (unless some unforseen force changes the course of its coming), and you sit waiting, waiting, waiting for that day to come because you know that when that day comes everything will change.
I'm waiting on alot of things right now and I'm experiencing a love/strong dislike relationship with waiting. I love the excitement in waiting, not quite knowing what will happen but shaking with anticipation at what will happen next. Being able to think of possibilities and chances that may come from different outcomes is exciting to me. But then not knowing what may happen, not being able to find comfort in the security of knowing what is going to happen can be draining and overwhelming. But the worst is all the time spent thinking about what will happen and in the grand scheme of things all that time is lost. Anticipation is alot like worrying for me. I get excited and plan out everything that probably will happen and then I plan the things that could, not likely, but could happen.
Anyways back to my point. I waste alot of time waiting and not enough time doing. The time this lady spends waiting could definately be better spent. I could read a book, write a story, paint a picture, study school stuff, spend time with God, the possibilities are endless.
Pretty much when you know something is going to happen, sure prepare for it but don't dwell on it. Keep on living--don't put life on hold while you wait for something you already know is coming your way.
Did any of this make sense? I hope so.

The Feti (plural of fetus)

2005-10-06T16:57:00.001-07:00

This summer I ran "The Artery" at Bethel Bible Camp. When I decided on the name I wanted to make a sign with an artery that collapsed into a splattering of red paint. But alas I didn't. Shoot. Anyways, the campers got to paint, draw, write, sketch...whatever their hearts desired. It wasn't structured at all. They come, pick what they want to use and get a quiet place to just throw it all down on paper.So while they painted I painted too. These paintings are what I like to call the Feti Series, or individually the Fetus painting.

I Give Up

2005-09-19T21:06:00.000-07:00

Today I was looking at a picture I painted for my Dad when I was younger. It's a motorcycle. Her name is Cordelia, for the daughter he never had. When I painted it with a dollar store paint set, I was astounded by what my hands had done. I thought it was amazing and I gave it to my Dad. He framed it and kept it on his desk for years. I was looking at it today, where it sits on the bookshelf and I can't for the life of me see what made me so proud of it.

Its funny, I hadn't seen the painting in years since noticing it today. In my mind I had built up that it still was this awesome work of art I'd done when I was little. I almost remember thinking what a good job I'd done on outlining the body and making it look like a real bike. So I was kind of shocked to see it today, with its smiling sun peeking out from behind a cloud in the sky above the pink road that the bike is parked on.

Here's a shaky segway. What I've been feeling lately is how I let things grow in my mind over time. Their value and importance becomes more than it really is and much more than it should be. For instance what people think. Opinions can become so crucial to some peoples lives that its almost to hard to function being yourself. Someone will always find a piece of you that doesn't quite fit with what they like.

But honestly who cares? When it all boils down to it who are you at the end of the day? Have you been trying to fit the mold of what everyone thinks you should be or are you trying to be the person God made you to be?

When we live trying to live up to someone elses expectations we become distracted from our own expectations of ourselves. I've decided its simply too frustrating and draining to try and be a person people "like". So I give up. Done.

The Elevator

2005-09-15T21:35:00.000-07:00

He Had Me at Hotdog

2005-09-15T19:26:00.000-07:00

Today was great. Let me start from the very beginning( its a very good place to start). A few days ago a dear friend of mine told me how his college had a welcome to MacEwan BBQ. He shared that there had been hotdogs and various other BBQ staples. He had me at hotdog. Now I love hotdogs with a passion. I love huge smokies and I love wee bite sizes cut up into my mac 'n cheese. So when the BBQ event came up I was green with envy. Kind of like relish. I could actually feel my mouth open and swallow an imaginary hot hot (which I will now affectionately refer to them as-since they are very dear to me).
Well guess what happened at my college today?! The very same...right now I have already consumed a delicious hot hot, half a pepsi, half a bag of Miss Vickies Lime and Black Pepper chips, and am currently downing a rasin cookie in an action of thanksgiving to that dear friend. And hey its not that bad.

2005-09-04T08:03:00.000-07:00

Right now I'm in Fernie, B.C. Its ridiculously pretty out here. Yesterday there was this one cloud in the sky that looked like a blowfish and I just had to take a picture of it. I've recently learned that clouds move rather quickly and you have to appreciate them at that one moment because if you look away it will have changed.

Life is quite like that. You need to seize the opportunity when and where it greets you because who knows when you'll meet it again. Don't limit God by saying that if He wants something to happen it will. I'm sure what He wants will happen but I expect that He throws in opportunities of lifetimes and curveballs and neat little risks and chances that we can choose to or not to take. Jesus came and made our salvation secure so from now until Heaven we can choose to live life off the beaten path, full of excitement or live life in borderland, average and mediocre. Are we willing to let God show us life to the full or are we content to live in the comfort this world can give us?

PICASSO Girl Before a Mirror

2005-09-03T17:23:00.000-07:00

PICASSO Girl Before a Mirror. Do you ever do this? Stand in front of a mirror? Picking out things you like about yourself and things you don't? Wishing you could look more like someone else and less like the person you see in the mirror? I've struggled with this at various points in my life and am now slowly starting to put into practice what I know to be true.
At camp this summer I told each one of my campers that they were special not because of what they have or what they don't have but because of who they are. And they are God's. God made every little thing about them to His liking--based on His own perfect idea of beauty. He isn't boxed in my society's idea of what is gorgeous and stunning and lovely. He is the God who created true beauty and He puts that in each one of us. What we have on display to the world will never match the treasure that we hold inside these jars of clay.
So every time I think to myself I will probably never reach 5"3 or have sun-streaked blond hair and freckles that cover my face in thousands of constellations, I remind myself that God is bigger than what I think pretty is. He's put a treasure in me that no one can see from the outside. You've got to look past the brown and hazel and shortness and take a peek at whats inside.

I need a Vespa

2005-09-02T21:30:00.000-07:00

I need a Vespa. What can I say? The initial attraction is obvious. While I watch a Vespa swiftly moving at speeds that could potentially reach 70km/h, I can almost feel the wind fly through my hair. After that somewhat fleeting feeling my intrest is maintained by how daaang cool they look. When Vespa's were regaining their popularity this past year I said there was no way on earth I would be caught riding one of those silly things. But now I realize how economically smart they are. Ten dollars to fill and that lasts two weeks. And now that gas prices have surpassed the ridiculous that in itself is enough to reassure me that yes, I need a Vespa.

To Be or Not To Be

2005-08-24T22:26:00.000-07:00

So I recently bought a shirt that said Just Bee Yourself on it. (not exactly as shown-at all.) I thought it was pretty neat at the time. And then I stumbled upon some prime literature (a Brio mag) and read an article that talked about how we aren't supposed to try and be ourselves. That came as quite the shock to me. How often are we told to quit pretending to be someone we're not and just be ourselves? Well guess what, the Bible doesn't tell us to be ourselves. It tells us to try and be like someone we're not--it says to imitate Christ.

Never lose the wonder

2005-08-18T22:23:00.000-07:00

Y'know what its like to get super excited about something, and you know you are over-exciting yourself and maybe just maybe that excitement won't last?? I get like that alot, because I get excited about things all the time. And then after some time I step back and think whoa, maybe that isn't such a good idea all the time.

Right now I'm wondering what would it be like if we didn't always take the time to second guess ourselves. What if we could just exude excitement all the time. I think that would make life pretty awesome. Can you imagine how it would feel to look around and always be filled with wonder and joy and well, excitement?. I admit, it may get kind of tiring being assaulted with ideas from every direction but really I think excitement is something God definately smiles about. When He sees His kids bursting to tell someone about what they've just realized.

Some people try not to get excited about things because they don't want to end up being let down. So they are disappointed from the start. I never want to be like that. Ever.

Summer at Bethel

2005-08-18T16:01:00.000-07:00

ANOTHER FABULOUS SUMMER AT
BETHEL

Thats me in the orange jump suit. I'm wearing
two pairs of sweatpants plus a metal tin lid in
them. But of course, Ben missed the tin. It hurt.

On the right displays seven ladies out of place in this decade. Each one is a tride and true 80's girl to the core. I celebrated the reinactment of the era by wearing spandex.

NOTE: All of these lovely pictures belong to my lovely friend Michigan Little. She is Major League cool.

Finding your mate

2005-08-17T22:10:00.000-07:00

The warm days of summer are up and gone. This now marks almost an entire week of lousy weather. So instead of my usual morning bike ride, afternoon jaunt in the park and brisk evening walk I have ventured deep, deep down in my heart. A dear friend of mine once shared with me a special word of hers, rotic (row-tick). The word is strangely enticing and takes a moment to roll off your tongue. Just the same, it is a good word that provides a great atmosphere when walking solo on a moonlit night, eating chocolate fondue with a few female friends and even while singing along to the heartbreak commonly known as any Patsy Cline song.

Take the equally enjoyed and equally hated word romantic and remove man from the picture. It leaves you with rotic. Over an ahem, candlelit chocolate fondue and sparkling beverage, three friends experienced this very thing. It was extremely rotic, what with the candlelight twinkling off the wine glasses and all.

Do you think that God has one person specially picked out just for you? Or do you suppose that He has a lineup and anyone in that line will be the one if you work at it? I'm stuck. I think that God knows the romantic yearning of the female heart and in some way has one person that you are destined to be with. But then I also know that we can't mess up what God has in store for us if we follow Him wholeheartedly. And then again God is extremely creative and gave us a will so that we can choose. Well, I guess I will just have to wait and see.

Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?

2005-08-16T23:19:00.000-07:00

I had a really exciting day last week. I was in Calgary at a little art shop downtown. There was a paint sale on and I bought paint. I love how many different colors there are. I ended up buying Stevenson's Alizarin Crimson, Green Gold, Paynes Grey, and Transparent Red Oxide. Next time I visit the Paint Spot my list includes, Hooker's Green, Dioxazine Violet, Yellow Ochre and whatever name catches my eye. I love yellows and oranges and yellowy-oranges. I'm a large fan of the r-o-y part of the rainbow.

Can you imagine how creative God must be to have made so many colors. Not to mention how much love He must have for us--He could have settled with giving us the primary colors. But for some reason He decided to give us a world full of Hansa Yellow Lemon, Cobalt Blue, Raw Sienna and whatever Phthalo Cerulean is. We are so blessed to have a God who wants more then just to give us the basics. We have one who wants to astound us with beauty again and again. He gives us leaves that change in the seasons, and rocks that change shade over time, and skies that roll from blue to violet to black.

African Skies

2005-08-14T20:29:00.000-07:00

Well today I started reading African Skies. It this thick wonderful book about this girl who goes to Africa for a wildlife research project. She ends up seeing the incredible famine and poverty thats captured the people. There's this mom who brings her little, injured daughter to Laurel, the white woman in hopes of help. Laurel doesn't have any kind of knowledge in this area and all she can bring to the situation is first aid kit. That works, until more people come for help and she has to turn them away because she can't help them.

I've been struggling alot lately with my choice of schooling. I finally decided to become a nurse because my mother is one. And I think I'm slowly starting to come around to the idea. Just the thought of being able to help someone who is otherwise helpless is huge. Sitting here right now I feel useless. Because I'm not doing anything to help those poor people. But I'm also feeling this incredible need to take action.

not a friend in the world

2005-08-13T14:22:00.000-07:00

This weekend I'm alone. It's wierd how at camp I was almost at the point of being totally overwhelmed by people and now suddenly I feel like there is no one here to talk to. I'm about eight pages away from finishing Blue Like Jazz which has a chapter about living in community. How we need people so that our lives don't become a stage where we are the main character. We need people to distract us from ourselves because caring for other people is something we yearn for in life. In order to get away from this lonely feeling I decided hey there's no better way than to throw a party. But then I got stuck on the word party--what if people don't show up, then I will have led them on by calling it a party which implys people will actually be there. So instead of party it is now a hangout/movie night. If worse comes to worst I can pop in a flick and pretend that was the plan all along.

But thats not really making me feel any better. What I need is a best friend. Is there one out there for me? I don't know. I know that Jesus is supposed to be your best friend and I'm trying to give him all my worries and all my joys. But I'm craving something tangible--someone I can gush out all my thoughts to--someone I can hug and help with their problems.

It's not like I've never had a best friend. I did once. And she was the best. But highschool ended and life began. And we lost touch. And now it seems like whenever I find someone I want to get to know and hang out with all the time I wonder, can this person take her place? I can't let go because I don't want to rehash the details of life with another person. It's hard to lay it all bare and expect the other person to do the same. Sometimes I need to remind myself that I'm not meant for this place, this world-it can't and won't satisfy me or the longings of my heart. I need to remember that God brings people into and out of our lives for a reason. And I guess that the one thing we are really truly meant to do is to love them. Even when you know it can't last.

2005-08-13T14:14:00.000-07:00

So. This is my first ever blog. I'm a little bit nervouse. Thats the way they spell it in Italy. Really. I'm not really sure if there is like blogging etiquette that tells you how to start. So I'm just going to do this a wee bit freestyle.